Drown Me, Drown Me In…

It is a rare yet, blissful occasion when you can actually make the claim, “Wow, this weekend was long,” and mean it in a positive light.

That was the case this weekend. On the cusp of the first true heat wave of the summer I partook in the college graduation celebration that was being held in honor of my roommate’s accomplishment this May. It was quite an enjoyable time. In addition to the festivities, this was the first get together at my roomie’s parents house since their recent investment in a spacious in-ground pool and jacuzzi. On a 90 degree Saturday in early summer, I can only think of one word to describe their pool and the refreshingly cool water it contained; GLORIOUS!

After assisting some in the preparations for the event both the day of and the day before, I spent a little time working on my tan, relaxing in the jacuzzi, getting a few games of volley ball in and all while knocking a few Corona’s back in process. I gorged myself on delicious foods, deserts, warm sunshine, and great conversation from good company. It was an absolutely splendid night of fun and relaxation.

The topper would’ve and could’ve been successful attempt at flirting and trying to convince my roommate’s girlfriend’s exceptionally hot Mom to “teach me a few new tricks”. But, I suppose we can’t always have everything go our way. Just kidding…

I spent today, Sunday, recouping from the excessive indulging of Saturday by putting in a double hour session at the gym in the early day. By afternoon, I was back at the roomie’s parents and back in the Sunny side of the waterhole vollying a few games. Not quite satisfied from the workout earlier in the day, and feeling rather guilty about my overindulgence the day before, I thought it was a good idea to go for a run.

Mental Note: NEVER go running in the middle of the day during a 95 degree day at the beginning of a heat wave.

Half way through the run I almost keeled over from sweat and exhaustion. Sensing a possible heat stroke or maybe worse, I slowed my run to a barely definable jog and returned back home presumably before my lungs collapsed and my heart gave out.

Uh…Uhh…Other news…

Saw the Ex again this weekend. Actually, it was on Friday afternoon. I was en route to the local liquor store from my roomie’s parents house with his father. We were in the middle of what us college kids call a “beer run” to pick up “supplies” for the graduation party when following a sharp left turn who did I notice waiting at the light?

I’m pretty close to my rommate and his family, so close I consider them my own family. Point is, the father was familiar with the girl and the story behind her and I. He noticed her first and, assuming I hadn’t seen her idling at the intersection, mentioned to me, “I guess you didn’t see that landmine huh?”

“Oh, yeah…believe me, I saw it. Just keep driving,” I wryly replied.

We’re in the liquor store grabbing the needed “supplies” for the next day’s expedition, when the next song on the store radio begins to play and it immediately begins to get louder in my eardrums.

“I miss the sound of your voice
I miss the rush of your skin…”I know what it is. I know who it is. And what it means….well, meant.

 

Matt Nathanson…damn it. I haven’t listened to anything from him since she walked out. I can’t do it. I just can’t bear to hear it. I break down everytime. And now, here I am in the middle of a liquor store with six cases of Mexico and the Rockies finest, a bottle of Cuervo and a bottle of Bacardi Superior and I’m starting to get queasy and weak in the knees. Mr. Macho is buckling at the sound of an old love song that should hold no meaning anymore. What the fuck.

I could feel my face turning red and it was all I could do to slow the memories and my breathing. I looked down at my fore arms and noticed the veins beginning to bulge; my blood pressure must have been sky-rocketing.

We reached the check out lane and while I was waiting for my roomie’s father to pay the bill, I felt an uncontrollable urge to do something I hadn’t done in nearly half a year, something forbidden, something unnecessary because I all ready knew the effect and response it would have as well as the repercussions it may potentially bring with it. Yet, it was the only thing that made sense to me, the only thing that I can honestly say with all of my heart felt like the right thing to do. So I did it.

New Message:

I Miss the sound of your voice
I Miss the rush of your skin…

Sending Message
“Now look what you’ve done!”
Sending Message
“Fuck, why are you doing this?!?!?!?”
Sending Message
“Just hit cancel, just hit cancel”
Sending Message
“She’s not going to respond, you’re dead to her. It’s not too late, just hit the canc…”
Message Sent.
“Crap!”

It was an impulse. A knee-jerk reaction. I knew it wasn’t something I should have done. But, I couldn’t help it. I miss her. I miss everything about her. Truth is, I was a fool. I know it. I still love her. I’m still in love with her.

But, I knew she wasn’t going to respond. Not ever. Yet, it was still the only thing that felt right. I did it. What’s done is done. And though she still hasn’t responded and I’ve probably made myself look like a fool, I don’t give a damn. I love her. Nothing else matters to me.

Posting,

E.Ricci