Fireworks & Freedom

This Fourth of July weekend was if anything, uneventful. In fact, one could say that it was down right depressing to a degree.

A three day weekend that actually began Thursday night after getting out of work, turned out to be fairly dull with one exception, that coming Saturday afternoon in the form of two old friends from school coming back this way to celebrate one of our college buddies acceptance and first day in the Police academy beginning Monday.

For starters, Thursday was intended to be the grand finale to a shortened summer of socializing and clubbing for a few high school/childhood friends from back home. One in particular, Kevy, the friend that I ventured down to UMD with earlier this summer for the Beer Olympics, was celebrating his first day at his new job in North Carolina.

“After this weekend, I’ll be down there for seven months training. Then, where ever they send me, I’ll go. Basically, I’m never coming back here again.”

I would come to realize in afterthought how serious these words actually were. I didn’t realize it, perhaps, Kev hadn’t either. But, in the last six months, I’ve been through quite a bit of changes in my life. Some of them particularly difficult to deal with. And in that same span of time, Kev had just finished up school and graduation, returned home, and spent most of his time enjoying a delayed summer vacation while sparsely partaking in the “job hunt”.

During that time though, he and I had gotten closer, having spent more time together since he was back home with nothing to do, no one to chill with. I was in a similar boat considering most of my friends from home were no longer around, some away at school still, and the majority of my friends from college had all ready graduated and returned home.

So we began to hang out more. And between the parties, clubbing, and chilling I suppose I failed to realize how it may affect me, as well as our other friends, when he actually did end up moving away for good. It didn’t really set in until I received a text yesterday, Saturday, around 6pm. The message Kev sent was simply, ”I’m all moved in.”

At the time I was sitting down to dinner with my college buddies who came down to celebrate my one friend’s acceptance into the academy. For a second I just sat there, staring at the message, re-reading it, not quite fully taking in or grasping what I was feeling or how to respond for that matter.

“Congrats my man.”

“Thanks.” He responded.

“How’s it feel?  Different? Man now.”

“Yeah it was weird walking in…I’m sure it’ll be even more when I start work.” He replied.

Weird. It’s different, moving on. I suppose it’s inevitable. As much a guarantee as time continuing and the moon and sun rising and falling each day. As much hope, excitement and anticipation as it brings, it also leaves you with an uneasy, somewhat empty feeling inside.

Still, I wished nothing but the best for him. He deserved it. And though I never actually said it to him, (because we’re both guys and guys don’t get emotional like that with one another…sike…ahah), I knew he knew he’d be missed.

Then I realized, “Wow, I suppose it’s time for you to get yourself in gear with a job now too, Ed.”

Yeah…about that…

Getting back to the weekend…

Thursday evening turned out to be a simple evening in at Kev’s parents with a few old friends from high school. We played some drinking/card games and spent the night making fun of each other, cracking jokes, and laughing it up almost till sunrise. Wasn’t quite the way I had hoped to send Kevy out of town, but I feel like he had as good a time anyways, and that was what mattered.

Friday, Fourth of July…crap…

Now, don’t get me wrong here. I love the summertime, and I especially love the sun, tanning, swimming pools, shades, barbeques with dogs, burgers, chicken and coronas; all great things in my opinion. And summer holidays, a compilation of all these great things in one sitting, are absolutely glorious. Yet, I awoke Friday feeling less than enthused about the holiday awaiting.

I compounded my lack of enthusiasm and complete disinterest for Independence Day into two reasons.
One, I’m still not on speaking terms with my parents since they blew off my graduation. Hence, I would not and could not spend the day with my own family nor would I be able to see the evening fireworks with my younger brother, Skyler.
Two, the last two Fourth of July’s were spent with one person and her family. And this year, it felt wrong not being there and her not being here.

I tried shaking that off and attempted to enjoy my day. In fact, I had even planned to hit the beach up that morning with two of my friends. However, the plans sort of fell through when I received a phone call from the friend that was supposed to be driving our little trip to the shore at around 11am, his excuse being that he slept in late. In addition to this, the weather forecast was calling for overcast and a 50 percent chance of rain…not the kind of weather you’d prefer while tanning on the beach.

With the shore trip a wash, I decided to stay in and relax a bit, calling up friends and my brother every now and then to see what people were getting into. This led to a nap that nearly took up the entire afternoon.

By around 5:30pm, I awoke with the decision that if I wasn’t going to do anything else I was at least going to get a workout in. So I went for a nice little run through town, followed by my typical abs routine at home.

When I returned home to do abs, my roomie was there straightening up the apartment with news that his family and his girlfriend’s family would be over to watch the fireworks display in the nearby park.

It just so happens that our complex sits right behind Alcyon Park and the town we live in does their Fourth of July fireworks display over the lake right near our apartments. Where we’re positioned, we get a birdseye view of the show right from the comforts of our balcony.

When our guests had arrived, I was all ready settled deep into a murky dissatisfaction with how cruddy the day had gone. What made it worse was that I felt like the only reason these people were even over my place to begin with was because my roomie knew I was alone and having felt pity on me, decided to have his family supplant my own.

Nonetheless, I put on a happy face and awaited the traditional fireworks spectacular. Around nine it was just dark enough, as I was stepping outside onto my balcony to see if the show had begun. Within minutes our porch was filled with bodies as the sounds were off followed by flashes, sparks, and dazzling displays of colored light showering the velvet canvas above our heads.

I sat back in my chair, drink in hand, sipping gently, while falling backwards further and further into colors, crackles, and memories of previous summers. Memories of a girl, her soft eyes, her smile and giggle, the rush of her sun caressed skin, how she snuggled close to me, whispered she loved me in my ear, her scents the strawberry lips, the lucky or lamb fragrances, the smell of her shampoo and hairgel, the smell of her soft clothes, everything came back…

With each fireflash across the sky a thousand thoughts of her were provoked, leaving me further from happy about my situation, feeling even more alone than the moments beforehand.

Look, there goes a green…nice…she looked nice in the green…she was starting to collect more greens because of me…because she knew it was my favorite…
…
And there’s a heart shaped one…she’d have liked that…it’s amazing how many things I remember her liking even more now that she’s gone…things I see in stores, clothes, foods, even new movie previews on TV…and I think to myself, huh…well, she’d love to see that…
…
Another red…she was a fan of the vibrant colors…
…
An…An ORANGE….? …you never, hardly ever see orange…wow….she’d have loved that…kinda looks like a daisy…a gerb….ah… …. ….damn…
…The show ended. I finished my beer. Matt’s family left, along with his girlfriend’s. I stayed up a little while longer, finally the wrestlessness settled and I laid down to sleep.

 

Saturday, as I mentioned, was spent with friends from college celebrating one’s first day in the Police Academy. We went out to the local college bar we used to venture to during our final two years together at school. Felt like we were walking in someone else’s footsteps as we entered the establishment. Maybe, we’re getting too old. Is 23 too old for anything? Ahh…

Managed to enjoy myself that night. By the end of the night though, I was stuck buying a girl another drink, a girl that on a previous night had convinced me to buy her and her girlfriend drinks only before admitting the fact that she had a boyfriend. This night, she claimed to be recently single and was again in the market for a boyfriend and another drink…in exchange for a few digits.

I would come to find out later that the number she gave was in fact a valid number that she had used…keyword…USED. It was her former dorm room number from campus. Of course, she doesn’t live there anymore considering it’s summer vacation and no one lives on campus. I suppose she isn’t in the wrong. After all, she did give me a legitimate phone number.

As for today, I’ve spent most of the day lounging around the house, job searching online, and filling out online applications.

One thing that has crossed my mind today…as I’m realizing now how long this post has become so I will be nearing an end here soon….is that I’m strongly considering something I never thought about before. Only recently has the idea come into my mind and consideration, I believe it probably had something to do with a phone call from a recruiter I received about three weeks ago and the fact that there were two members of the armed forces sitting next to me on the plane ride home from ATL.

That’s right. Armed forces. Marines or U.S. Army Rangers. I don’t know why, but, I’ve been strongly considering enlisting. When I think about it, it makes all the sense in the world.

I mean, I don’t speak to my folks, probably never will after what happened at graduation. I have no real ties or connections to anyone else. The only woman I care about, I love with all of my heart, but she has moved on and wants nothing to do with me. I have quite a bit of debt from college that the military would help pay off. Plus, I could pursue graduate school much easier seeing as how it would be financially cheaper by joining the military. Also, the likelihood of landing a good job after is increased all the more.

What’s better is, they’re paying me to essentially do what I do all ready; eat, sleep, run, train, and weight train. Granted, I know there are a lot of other responsibilities and duties that would come with it. But, I think it might be a good fit for me right now. I dunno…we’ll see.

Gotta run now. I’ve written way more than I had planned.

Posting,

 

E.Ricci