Drown Me, Drown Me In…

It is a rare yet, blissful occasion when you can actually make the claim, “Wow, this weekend was long,” and mean it in a positive light.

That was the case this weekend. On the cusp of the first true heat wave of the summer I partook in the college graduation celebration that was being held in honor of my roommate’s accomplishment this May. It was quite an enjoyable time. In addition to the festivities, this was the first get together at my roomie’s parents house since their recent investment in a spacious in-ground pool and jacuzzi. On a 90 degree Saturday in early summer, I can only think of one word to describe their pool and the refreshingly cool water it contained; GLORIOUS!

After assisting some in the preparations for the event both the day of and the day before, I spent a little time working on my tan, relaxing in the jacuzzi, getting a few games of volley ball in and all while knocking a few Corona’s back in process. I gorged myself on delicious foods, deserts, warm sunshine, and great conversation from good company. It was an absolutely splendid night of fun and relaxation.

The topper would’ve and could’ve been successful attempt at flirting and trying to convince my roommate’s girlfriend’s exceptionally hot Mom to “teach me a few new tricks”. But, I suppose we can’t always have everything go our way. Just kidding…

I spent today, Sunday, recouping from the excessive indulging of Saturday by putting in a double hour session at the gym in the early day. By afternoon, I was back at the roomie’s parents and back in the Sunny side of the waterhole vollying a few games. Not quite satisfied from the workout earlier in the day, and feeling rather guilty about my overindulgence the day before, I thought it was a good idea to go for a run.

Mental Note: NEVER go running in the middle of the day during a 95 degree day at the beginning of a heat wave.

Half way through the run I almost keeled over from sweat and exhaustion. Sensing a possible heat stroke or maybe worse, I slowed my run to a barely definable jog and returned back home presumably before my lungs collapsed and my heart gave out.

Uh…Uhh…Other news…

Saw the Ex again this weekend. Actually, it was on Friday afternoon. I was en route to the local liquor store from my roomie’s parents house with his father. We were in the middle of what us college kids call a “beer run” to pick up “supplies” for the graduation party when following a sharp left turn who did I notice waiting at the light?

I’m pretty close to my rommate and his family, so close I consider them my own family. Point is, the father was familiar with the girl and the story behind her and I. He noticed her first and, assuming I hadn’t seen her idling at the intersection, mentioned to me, “I guess you didn’t see that landmine huh?”

“Oh, yeah…believe me, I saw it. Just keep driving,” I wryly replied.

We’re in the liquor store grabbing the needed “supplies” for the next day’s expedition, when the next song on the store radio begins to play and it immediately begins to get louder in my eardrums.

“I miss the sound of your voice
I miss the rush of your skin…”I know what it is. I know who it is. And what it means….well, meant.

 

Matt Nathanson…damn it. I haven’t listened to anything from him since she walked out. I can’t do it. I just can’t bear to hear it. I break down everytime. And now, here I am in the middle of a liquor store with six cases of Mexico and the Rockies finest, a bottle of Cuervo and a bottle of Bacardi Superior and I’m starting to get queasy and weak in the knees. Mr. Macho is buckling at the sound of an old love song that should hold no meaning anymore. What the fuck.

I could feel my face turning red and it was all I could do to slow the memories and my breathing. I looked down at my fore arms and noticed the veins beginning to bulge; my blood pressure must have been sky-rocketing.

We reached the check out lane and while I was waiting for my roomie’s father to pay the bill, I felt an uncontrollable urge to do something I hadn’t done in nearly half a year, something forbidden, something unnecessary because I all ready knew the effect and response it would have as well as the repercussions it may potentially bring with it. Yet, it was the only thing that made sense to me, the only thing that I can honestly say with all of my heart felt like the right thing to do. So I did it.

New Message:

I Miss the sound of your voice
I Miss the rush of your skin…

Sending Message
“Now look what you’ve done!”
Sending Message
“Fuck, why are you doing this?!?!?!?”
Sending Message
“Just hit cancel, just hit cancel”
Sending Message
“She’s not going to respond, you’re dead to her. It’s not too late, just hit the canc…”
Message Sent.
“Crap!”

It was an impulse. A knee-jerk reaction. I knew it wasn’t something I should have done. But, I couldn’t help it. I miss her. I miss everything about her. Truth is, I was a fool. I know it. I still love her. I’m still in love with her.

But, I knew she wasn’t going to respond. Not ever. Yet, it was still the only thing that felt right. I did it. What’s done is done. And though she still hasn’t responded and I’ve probably made myself look like a fool, I don’t give a damn. I love her. Nothing else matters to me.

Posting,

E.Ricci

Guys Night

The Sixers are back in town tonight in a playoff battle.

My boy just landed his dream job straight out of college this weekend.

Weather is great.

Got a great new girlfriend, which I will be providing long-awaited details soon to come, I promise.

Semester and school year, wait, COLLEGE is almost near its conclusion.

With so many reasons, it only makes sense to head out tonight to celebrate a little.

Yes, a guy’s night out it will be.

Yes…

Posting,

 

E.Ricci

It’s Just…Fraud?

If up late enough or home with nothing to do in the mid-afternoon, you may catch a clever little commercial for a company called, “It’s Just Lunch.”

If this commerical peaks your interest like it did mine, hence this report, you’ll find yourself referring to the franchised dating service provider’s website where anyone can find a link to the 100 nationwide locations that hold an It’s Just Lunch, (IJL), establishment.

“The Dating Service for Busy Professionals” provides what they claim to be an easy, efficient, and results producing way for overworked busy-bodies to meet new people and bolster their dating life. The site offers everything from dating facts, suggestions and advice to alleged testamonials from the Wall Street Journal and current IJL clients all not-too-suprisingly offering positive feedback on IJL’s services.

Third “Board” Update

If there could have been a more pristine, more perfectly orchestrated first date, I’d love to see it.

She was GRRRRRRREEEAAAAAATTTTT…

She was gorgeous, funny, interesting, polite, sincere, and most importantly-honest.

The date itself was splendid. 

We did dinner and drinks at a local restaurant. The place stayed open late for us, the owner comp-ed our drinks, we both had a great time together, and towards the end of the evening neither one of us wanted the night to end.

Okay, the recap…

Third “Board”

Yes, another suitor.

She’s a girl from work. Very nice. Though, a little sketchy it seems.

I was working Sunday morning. It was near the end of the shift; we were talking about snowboarding and she offered her number. Which was fine by me because it made my life easier. I was on the prowl for her number anyway.

I tried calling her later that evening to get to know her a little better and see if she’d be interested in going out sometime this week.

“Please enjoy the music while your party is being reached.”

A song starts playing from one of those older 80’s Poofy Hair with Makeup rock bands. I actually know this one, “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake…..”Different choice, a little unusual,” I think to myself.

I get sent to voicemail. Crap! What’s even more discouraging is that while i’m deciding in the three seconds before the beep as to whether or not I leave a message thereby metaphorically “leaving the ball in her court”, another prompt chimes in, “This person’s voicebox is full.”

Well, that was an easy decision…

So I text her and tell her to give me a call.

We finally get in touch on Tuesday. She’s busy today with classwork, but she’d love to do something Wednesday night.

Game On!!!

We’re going out tonight for drinks and some dinner.

Wish me luck,

Posting,

E.Ricci

Facebook Stalking? Oh Internet…What happened to letters and telephones?

Facebook Stalking: A not-so-new or trendy term in today’s dating society, especially at the high school and collegiate levels.

Thanks to the wonderous technologies afforded to our generation, the concepts of a completely blind date are almost extinct.

It’s an interesting topic of discussion that I engaged while in ironically, of all places, a computer lab.

According to UrbanDictionary.com, Facebook Stalking is a covert method of investigation using Facebook.com. It’s good for discovering a wealth of information about people you don’t actually know.

The Dream…Domestic Delusions of a Broken Man

It’s nearly one in the morning. I’m wide awake now. I was sleeping. But I was awoken by a recurring dream I’ve been having.

And now I can’t resume sleeping because this dream has my stomach in knots.

It’s the same dream I’ve been having for three months.

Another interesting week of events…

Hello all,

It’s been quite the week for me. My mom has been ill with what doctor’s have diagnosed as walking pneumonia.

So, as a good boy, I’ve been spending the last few evenings at her house keeping watch and taking care of her and assuming home responsibilities.

Last night I went out to a local Hibachi with some friends from school. It was enjoyable. Then half way through the evening one of my friends starts asking me about my recent breakup.

Mind you, I tried avoiding the topic all together. I know how cumbersome and mood dulling it can be to have someone start talking about their breakup, their ex, or something regarding a failed intimate relationship. So I tried shying from the subject, remaining upbeat and positive about other things.

This same friend that initiated the conversation, also began our joint freefall into all things hopelessly romantic by informing me of his recent relationship disaster, an account that seemed to follow my own script page for page.

As we were force feeding each other the painful details of our respective failures, it became obvious that we were both boring and annoying the rest of our friends.

I remembered quickly, “They came here for a good time with us, not to hear our pity party and exchange of numbingly redundant advice.”

I immediately changed the subject, allowing the night to move in a much more pleasant direction than where it was heading.

…I’ve been thinking about and contacting a few girls that I’ve met in the past couple of weeks.

I did meet up with one of these girls on Tuesday at the gym. We didn’t work out together but we did grab an early dinner at Salad Works.

She’s interesting and attractive. I’ve had her out on a previous movie date and things seemed to have went well. I just can’t seem to get a gauge on her. I’m not sure if she’s interested, or if I’m nothing more to her than a warm meal and relaxing conversation every other Saturday.

She’s a hard read. Perhaps, I’m just out of touch or need a little tuning up on these endeavors. I’m not really sure.

Other than that, I haven’t had much going on in the dating scene this week. Hopefully the weekend will add up to something.

Likely weekend events in the preliminary planning stages include;

A. Another guy’s night out…perhaps, just towards something more of a bar scene and not so much a club. We’ll see. I may be swayed in either direction.

B. A possible “experiment”, i.e. date, with one of the female subjects that I have been in contact with recently.

C. Maybe just some down time. A little “Me on Me” time this weekend. We get so wrapped up in class, work, obligations, and then wanting to spend time meeting and dating and potentially finding love in new places that we fail at giving ourselves a little time to refocus or recenter.

Plus, with my ex and I’s anniversary just passing this past weekend and my birthday looming a week from now, I’m beginning to feel emotionally drained.

We’ll see. I say I’ll take a break now. But, by tomorrow evening or Saturday I will likely be all revved up to go out and do something, anything.

Posting,

E.Ricci

Some Dating Advice Sites

So i’m in class surfing the web for some Dating Experts and online dating advice and here are few things that have caught my initial attention.

Mind you, I’ll keep looking and adding more when I do a little more delving into the subject.

For now, here’s what has caught my eye:

Bella- Misadventures in Atlanta -”Hotlanta’s” very own Carrie Bradshaw. Just some interesting dating advice from a fellow blogger at the Atlanta Journal Constitution. A female’s perspective, this can be helpful, though for us males struggling to completely understand the underpinnings of the complicated opposite sex.

Allstardatingtips.com -  A hip new site that opened this Valentine’s Day. Dedicated to, and I quote, “teaching singles the art of dating.” I’m still wandering my way through this site. I’ll catch you up more on my findings here.

David Wygant -  America’s quintessential poster boy for dating in the 21st Century. Offers a lot of advice on wide array of topics for singles in the dating scene.
That’s about it for now.  I’ll get back to you with more  info when available.

Posting,

E.Ricci

Stupid Boys and Evil Girls

Why is it that every song can either remind of you someone you love or someone you desparately miss?

 I’m on my way home from dinner at my parents’ house this evening and I must have switched radio stations a half dozen times in the ten minutes it took me to reach my apartment. Every song reminds me of my Ex.

I hate it. I hate missing her. I hate loving her still. And music, especially songs about love and lovey dovey stuff remind me about her, and nearly bring me to tears at times.

It’s difficult enough going through the day trying not to think of her and what once was and what will never be. It’s a challenge enough to not try to call her and tell her I love her and I miss her and I want her to come home. Now, I can’t even enjoy a little music without feeling like the world is closing in on me.

Dating, hopefully, will serve as a therapy; an alleviation of the stress, hurt, anxiety, and overbearing emotion that floods into my body along with the thoughts of her that come crashing in with those feelings…or vice versa.

The sad thing is, I love her still. She walked out on me. And yet, I blame myself for what went wrong. I feel responsible for it happening. My friends all say that I tried, I did more than I should or could have, that she wasn’t fully in it, it wasn’t my fault, she just didn’t care enough to wanna keep trying and working at it.

Yet, I still feel like crap about it. I feel like I could have been a better person, a better man for her. I feel like I didn’t give her enough, even though I know I gave her everything I had.

And it’s moments like these where I start to get overwhelmed. I begin to tear myself down. I start wishing for things that aren’t possible or attainable. I try to reason and plead and negotiate with spiritual powers, a Higher Being to help bring her back. For no reason, to no avail.

She’s not coming back. I need to move on. Sadly, deep down, I can honestly say, I love her unconditionally. No matter what she did to me, no matter how hurtful, I’m a fool to admit this, but, I’d welcome her back with open arms and an open heart.

What sucks is, even if I was with another girl, I’m convinced that if she came waltzing back into my life and wanting to try again, I’d give in like a fool and take her back, knowing full well she doesn’t deserve me and there’s nothing guaranteeing she wouldn’t pull the same stunt and walk back out of my life whenever she felt the whim to do so.

I’m a sucker for her. My pride is damn near gone. And I’m not one to play games, deny the way I feel, or hide it, playing hard to get. I call it the way it is, I wear my heart on my sleeve, especially with her. I love her. I know I shouldn’t.  I know she doesn’t deserve it after what she’s put me through. But I can’t deny the way I feel.

What sucks is, I know she’d never do the same for me. And she’d never come back to me or give me another chance. Yet, I love her irregardless of this fact. And i’m a fool for it.

I know that dating and moving on is the right thing to do though. That’s why i’m doing it. In my head I know it’s what is best. That is partially why I’m doing it. I know that after my little moment of weakness here, someday, one day, I’ll be able to move on and I’ll look back on this moment and laugh. I’ll laugh at the thought of ever thinking I loved her this much or that I wanted her unconditionally in my life.

If only you could turn love off as quickly as it manages to be turned on…

One day I’ll look her in the face and think to myself, “What did I ever see in you? Really? What could have possibly been so special in you then?”

And one day, I’ll meet a girl that will be worth the feelings I have for my Ex. And she’ll cherish and appreciate these feelings. And i’ll realize and understand what real true unconditional love is. It’ll be far better than what I thought I had with her. I know it.

I have to look at it that way. I have to think positively about this. It’s her loss. No way is it mines. She’ll see that one day. And one day will be too late.

Posting,

And feeling a hell of a lot better now,

E.Ricci