Beerfests and Late Night Conversations with Old Friends

It might just be my age or maybe the fact that one segment of my life has come to a close and another has opened up, but recently I’m finding that the significance of friendship, or genuine comradery, to be both very important and in fleeting supply.

I’m Out

And I’m Out.

I’m out of laughs
I’m out of cries
I’m out of pleas
I’m out of tries

I’m out of apologies
And tears
Full of excuses
For the last two years

Of that I want out

Now I just want out

And I’m out.

I’m out of chances
And still I deny
That you’d demand
We’d say goodbye

I’m out of my mind
Unwilling to accept
That you’d fail to find
Regret for having left

And so I’m out

I want out

I said I want out.

And I’m out

I’m out of reasoning
I’m out of line
Full of self-hatred
And so many why’s

I’m out of touch
Being out of your life
But it isn’t enough
So I want out of mine

I want out

I’m out
I’m out
I’m out
I’m out
I’m out…” -E.Ricci

Memorial Day Weekend = Pretty Memorable

Finally back in South Jersey after a long and enjoyable weekend in Maryland/D.C.

I spent the weekend down in Maryland on the campus of the University of Maryland with a friend who graduated from there. That’s right, yours truly was, “herb’in them in the home of the Terrapins.” Well, not exactly herb’in them, but definitely drinking!

As We Proceed…

Well, well, well…

It has been over a week since my last post, nearly two weeks to be exact. So I figured I’d catch up a little bit.

Last Friday was my graduation. Yes, it is over! I’m officially a college graduate. What I’m doing now, who knows, but the undergraduate thing is finally over. Whew!!!

The Final Final

As of twenty minutes ago I have completed the last final examination of my undergraduate collegiate career.

It is really finished. It’s over.

I don’t know whether to laugh or…take a nap.

Haha.

 

Tonight calls for celebration of some sorts. Perhaps AC. We’ll see I suppose. Need to wait out this downpour we’ve had here in South Jersey since three o’clock this morning. Hopefully, it’ll clear so the kiddies can come out tonight to play.

Posting,

E.Ricci

What to do after RU

Graduation is upon us. Literally.

For now I’m emerged in final examinations and term papers and to be quite blunt, I don’t care. I’m graduating. It’s over. Working hard and getting all worried over nothing makes no sense to me right now.

I can’t even fathom how I spent the last four years of my life getting anxious over getting a “good grade” on a research paper or passing a midterm. In reflection, it’s actually quite ridiculous.

Anyways, I’m ready to graduate. I’ve informed all of the important people in my life, gave them their invitations. Now, all that is needed is for this week of nonsense to be over and for graduation to come along.

I still haven’t figured out what my plans are after graduation. Then again, does anyone really know? I mean, there are people that have been doing the same work for decades and still aren’t satisfied or sure if they are doing what they really want with their life. Perhaps, I shouldn’t get so bent out of shape. Like everyone says right now, “Don’t worry. It’ll come to you.”

Quick graduation note: It absolutely irks the shit out of me that my department’s graduation ceremony has been limited in the amount of tickets each graduate has received for guests attendants. Now I’m two seats short of what I need for everyone I invited to be able to watch me get my diploma. Crap.

Hopefully, something will pan out. Maybe some extra tickets will come floating down the pipeline or perhaps, there will be some standing room in the back of the auditorium.

We’ll see,

GRADUATING!!! Gosh…

Posting,

E.Ricci

Ladies & Gentlemen, We Have Reached The Quota.

After a semester of waiting patiently to reach my quota number of hits before the school year ended, we have finally reached the threshold!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Posting Up has reached my goal number of 1,000 hits before the semester ended this evening!

Yes!

“We Have Greeaaatttt Success!”

Haha,

Posting,

E.Ricci

End of One Chapter. Beginning of Another.

There have been a lot of changes for me this final semester at school. Some good, some bad. Some, well, I’m not quite sure where they stand yet. I’ll find out in time I’m sure.

Still, with this topic of change and this being the final post I will be making for my class requirements now that the semester is near its conclusion, I would like to reflect on all that has or has not been accomplished here.

One, I think I thoroughly enjoyed this experiment.
Two, I found out a lot about myself in relation to dating, intimacy, relationships, life, and my field of study.
Three, I’m a much better writer than actual reporter.
Four, three really sucks cause i’m graduating and I need to be proficient in both.
Five, I didn’t really do a lot of investigative reporting on my topic for this blog.
Six, This blog was more artistic, creative, and therapeutic than I imagine my professor had hoped, planned, or intended.
*Seven, I DO intend on continuing this blog.
Eight, I thank all those that read, kept up with, possibly enjoyed or found entertaining anything I posted this semester concerning my ridiculous not-so-important dating life.
Nine, Holy Shit, I’m graduating…!
Ten, Cheers.

*As a note to seven: I will be continuing this blog. For how long, I’m not sure yet. We’ll see. I imagine as long as I continue to keep coming up with stupid things to do or say that someone may be willing to read, mock, criticize, agree with, or laugh at.

I will be changing the topic a little, rather, adjusting it to fit what exactly this blog has in essence become. This blog will no longer consist of just things concerning dating or rebound dating. It will be an ordinary guy’s blog on life, on the everyday stuff we guys go through.

Basically, it will be about What guys want to know and hear and what women probably want to find out from us but are too afraid to ask or are too offended when we tell them in our own masculine machismo way. It will remain informal, with a more personal undertone to it. And somewhat critical or opinionated. So keep that in mind, so as not to be offended by it.

Thanks again. Enjoy.

 

Posting,

 

E.Ricci

Alternate Route To Love

She’s your typical 21 year old girl. Waitressing through school to pay bills. She’s pretty blonde. Funny. Interesting. Good natured and well intentioned.

You look at her and see the image of the American Girl and think to yourself, “She’s so personable and attractive. The boys must be all over her!”

Perhaps, you may spark up a conversation with her and learn her name is Lauren. She’s from the shore and she commutes such a long way to work because, well…it’s complicated.

This typical American girl’s story begins like they all do; with love. A little over a year ago, Lauren came to Rowan and met Drew. They began dating. Things went particularly well for the couple. They had fights here and there but they worked through their problems and even enjoyed a family reunion together to visit Drew’s family in Poland. The year was flying by fast. Perhaps, too fast.

Nearing the anniversary, Lauren started notice a change in Drew’s attitude and behavior. He was drinking and smoking more. He began putting on weight and he started to become aggressive. How he treated her, the language he used with her, and how he acted towards her changed. He became overly suspicious that she was cheating on him. Fights were worse, almost abusive. As time passed, Lauren became increasingly concerned.

Then one night while partying with friends at their new place on campus near Rowan University, Drew lost it. He began smashing things, putting his hands through glass coffee tables, hitting walls, threatening her with violence.

“His friends just stood there and watched. They didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know either. But they could’ve stopped him. And when he did hit me, they did nothiing,” said Lauren, reflecting on how he threw her from one end of their apartment to the other.

“I was so surprised. I didn’t expect anything like this. I was like, ‘Oh my God’, he’s going to kill me,” said Lauren.

Eventually, friends did intervene. While taking Drew aside, Lauren and a couple friends locked themselves in the bedroom and called the police.

“I ended up having to put a temporary restraining order on him in order to return to the apartment for my things,” she said.

Lauren recalled Drew at the house when she went there with her parents before placing the restraining order, “He was insulting my Dad, trying to call him out, get him mad. He was telling him things about our sex life. The kind of things no father wants to hear about his little girl, you know?”

Lauren balked on the issue of pressing charges for the assault.

“I talked to his Mom alot. We were pretty close. But, when I told her about her son’s problems she would immediately defend him and act like it was my fault. Then, when the charges came up, she called me and we talked. She begged me to drop the charges. She kept saying how it was a mistake and how it would ruin his life and that he would just leave me alone for good, she swore it.” she said.

The conversation convinced her to drop the charges. And aside from a few random encounters in public and every now and then at the restaurant where she works, Lauren hadn’t seen or heard from Drew since.

A few months had past since that night in January. Lauren hadn’t been seeing or with a guy since the ordeal nor, had she any intention of it. The events of that fateful evening had a profound affect on Lauren’s perceptions of men and dating. She stopped going out. She stopped hanging out with friends. She stayed in on weekends and night off. Watched movies or did homework. She became a direct opposite of herself. The American girl that enjoyed life and friends, socializing and going out had now become a frightened homebody.

“That night was horrific. It left me scared and in knots. I didn’t wanna date anyone. I didn’t wanna see anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. I was traumatized.” she said.

As far as she was concerned, Lauren wanted nothing to do with men. Period.

Then one night while at home watching a movie with her best friend since grade school, Lauren was offered the most bizarre pieces of advice.

“My friend suggested that I try like an Eharmony or something online, as a way to get back into the dating scene. I laughed and thought, ‘No Way, I’m too young-that’s only for older people’ at first. Then, I started really thinking about it more,” said Lauren.

She went onto Eharmony’s website and did a little homework. She wanted to date again. She was afraid, she didn’t know what to expect.

“I knew I had to get my feet wet, so I said, “Ok, let’s give this a shot,” she said.

She signed on for the six-month trial. Instantly, she began receiving e-mails for potential matches and dates. After about a week of second-guessing and sifting through possible matches, Lauren finally agreed to a date with a match.

“It was awkward. The whole thing was a disaster. He was just, I don’t know how to explain it. He was weird,” she said. “The way he talked, how he acted, the way he presented himself, even how he walked was weird.”

Lauren convinced herself not to let first impressions get in the way of meeting a potentially nice guy. She gave him the benefit of getting to know him. But, things only worsened when he opened his mouth.

“I asked all the questions. He really said nothing. And when he did talk it was nothing positive or interesting. He had no plans for himself. He wasn’t going to school, he was being discharged from the Marines but he wasn’t planning on finding a job or enrolling in any classes. It was awful.” said Lauren.

She realized that he wasn’t someone she could see herself involved with and that perhaps, this online dating wasn’t the solution she was looking for. After the date, Lauren quickly deleted the guy’s number. He tried calling a couple times but she didn’t answer. He quickly caught the hint.

Still, something positive came from this negative experience. Despite having a bad first date in the months since she was last involved with Drew, Lauren found a resurgance in her desire to get back out and start dating again. This experience helped rekindle that desire.

“I started thinking about how much fun it was being involved with someone. And how I’m the kind of person that likes to be in a relationship with someone. I realized I missed that and that I needed to give someone, a new guy, a chance,” Said Lauren.

“Maybe not on eHarmony, but at least it helped get me back out there and interested again,” she said.

Today, Lauren is still dating. In fact, as of the 11th of May she will be hitting the first month anniversary with a guy she met in April and has been dating since.

“It took me a while. But it worked out. And now I’m happy again. It just goes to show you that even after a really bad situation in life, there still is a possibility for something good and worthwhile to come along,” Said Lauren. “You just have to remain open and optimistic about new love.”

1-800-Rent-A-Friend

I overheard a girl in my online journalism class having a pretty open discussion about her boyfriend and how he was having a “Just friends” night with some old friends of his before their relationship began.

Then she added a little tidbit that caught my attention which was something to the tune of, “…I have about 4-5 girlfriends from the original 8 that I still consider really close, true friends…”

I inquired as to what happened to the remaining girls that she no longer considered close, or best friends anymore. What happened? Why were you no longer so close with them anymore?

She elaborated, basically saying that after things had gotten serious with her boyfriend of more than a year that these friends sort of stopped talking to her because of it. Perhaps, it was jealousy, envy, or maybe they just didn’t like the guy she was seeing. For whatever reason, they were no longer the good friends they had once been.

That’s when I chimed in with the term that a friend of mine had coined to describe a similar situation but viewed from the opposite end of this girl’s spectrum. She had described a scenario known by my group of guy friends known as Rent-A-Friend.

The breakdown on this theory is simple. When a person enters into a new relationship, a certain amount of their time and attention is re-divided amongst their current relationships and committments in life. Sometimes, a person does a fairly decent job of juggling and finding a balance between the amount of time and effort they dedicate to work, school, friends, family, hobbies, and of course intimate relationships or life partners.

Others, however, not-so-much…

A nice sized proportion of people will ultimately re-structure their time dedicated to all of the above categories in a way that ends up extremely disproportionate, rather skewed. More often than not, these people will dedicate the same amount of time to the things they did before their new relationship began.

They’ll still have Sunday dinner with Mom and Dad or do brunch on Wednesdays with Granny and Pop-Pop. They’ll still work the same amount of hours or attend class and do the same amount of homework. They may even continue to play in the company softball tourny on weekends, go fishing, read, shop, or whatever else their hobby is with the same amount of dedication and level of interest. So where does the extra time come from for the new found love interest?

Friends.

The time they dedicated to Guy’s Night Out, heading to the bar, grabbing a bite after work, hitting the gym, catching the ball game on friday night, or having a social night with the gals, doing a movie or Grey’s night with the chicks, is all sucked up and spit out into the “SPEND TIME WITH MY NEW HUBBY” Portion of the time and effort pie chart.

Obviously, this leaves the friend or group of friends a little jaded and offended. They even tend to look at the new love interest as the catalyst for this sudden change in attitude and behavior and unfairly place the blame on them. After all, it’s not the hubby’s fault that your friend is ignoring you. They didn’t put a gun to your friend’s head and said, ‘Stop seeing Dan because I said so.” The friend is responsible for their own actions. Not the hubby or “wifey”.

Where does this Rent-A-Friend play in though, you ask?

Scenario: The hubby has some business out of town. Or is going away to a family reunion or for whatever reason, they won’t be in the picture for a few days, maybe a weekend or even an entire week.

The friend is left with nothing to do. The normal routine of “Boo-luvin” is out of the question for him/her because the “boo” isn’t around. So now they find themselves bored, alone, and suddenly with a huge gap of time to fill in the day.

Where do they turn? Who do they end up dialing to see, “What’s up?” or “How’ve things been?” or the suddenly out of no where approach, “Wanna hit happy hour or grab a beer after work and catch up?” or even more out of left-field, “I got an extra ticket to tonight’s game, interested?”

YOU. You have instantly become the Rent-A-Friend.
They are only interested in spending time with you when they have nothing else to do, no other alternative, or only when it best suits them.

We’ve all gone through this, all had this done to us by one or more friends who have entered into a new relationship and don’t know how to act, or what the proper ettiquette for maintaining healthy lines of communication with old friends is. Some of us, okay most of us, have even been the one to do this to a good friend.

I suppose the questions that come to mind then are:

One- How good of a friend is this person?
Two-How good of a friend does this person consider me?
And finally, three- Do I really want to be treated like this? Do I want to be nothing more to this person than a Rent-A-Friend?

Let you’re conscience dwell on it and decide.

 

Posting,

 

E.Ricci